


Greater Than the Death of Flesh

by IncompleteSong



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/F, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 13:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3489227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncompleteSong/pseuds/IncompleteSong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Susan finally let her guard down. Now she has to find a way to keep Talia out of Psi Corps custody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Greater Than the Death of Flesh

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thedisassociation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedisassociation/gifts).



> Huge thanks go out to thedisassociation for inspiring this fic (by ordering me to "Fix it!"), whitenoise for brainstorming help, and kyrdwyn and objectsinmotion for beta reading. You guys are the best!

She should have expected it, really. She was Russian, after all - she knew better than to expect things to work out. But when this telepath - this Lyta Alexander - had shown up and insisted on sending a mental command to the command staff to determine if they were the traitor, Susan's only thought had been to keep her own secret safe.

It had never crossed her mind that the one person who had already discovered that secret, the one person she had finally let down her barriers for, would turn out to be that traitor.

Her last meeting with Talia - no, with the person who had once been Talia - had been every bit as agonizing as she had anticipated. Susan had hoped that she would be able to find some hint that Talia, her friend, her - whatever they were to one another - was still in there somewhere, but those hopes had been dashed.

But she couldn't think about that. Her own future was still at stake, and if there was any chance of saving it, she would have to act quickly.

She headed straight for Sheridan's office from Talia's quarters. "Captain? Do you have a minute?"

He looked up from a pile of paperwork. "What's on your mind, Commander?" But then he winced. "I'm sorry, Susan, that was a stupid question. Are you all right?"

That was another stupid question, not that she had any intention of telling him so. "No, I'm not. Captain, I need to know. What's going to happen to Talia?"

"She isn't Talia anymore," he said gently. "Lyta said that triggering the artificial personality would wipe out the original."

"I know that," Susan said. "This isn't about that, well, not really. John, she knows about me."

His eyes widened. "You mean...?"

She nodded. "What I told you the other night - she figured it out."

Susan was horribly certain that John would ask how Talia had figured out such a private secret - which would lead to the kind of discussion she certainly did not want to have with her commanding officer, even if he was a friend too - but for once the universe seemed to be marginally on her side. "Do you know if her implanted personality retained that knowledge?"

"Well, she didn't mention it when I went to see her just now," Susan said. "But that doesn't mean anything - even if she knew about it, she wouldn't have said anything to me. She wouldn't risk not being sent back to the Psi Corps where she could tell them everything."

"That makes a disturbing amount of sense," John said.

"I have my moments," Susan said, managing the shadow of a grin.

"You do indeed," John said, returning her smile. "But now we have a problem. I can't in good conscience allow Talia's new persona to return to the Psi Corps, not if there's a chance she could turn you in, but I also don't have any way of keeping her here."

"There has to be something we can do," Susan said. "Otherwise, I might as well just hand you my resignation right now and be done with it."

"Don't you dare," John said immediately. "You're far too valuable to me, not only as an officer but as a friend. We'll think of something. Actually, I bet Garibaldi would be able to help out in this - he's good at finding creative solutions. Not that you aren't," he added quickly. "But we'll need his help either way, since it's his security people who are currently guarding her."

"No, you're right," Susan said. "But we can't tell Garibaldi why. Just that we need a way to avoid sending her back to the Psi Corps. He can't know about me."

John nodded. "Understood."

~*~*~*~*~

"You want to keep her around? After everything she could have done to us - hell, we were this close to letting her into the inner circle." Garibaldi looked at them both like they'd lost their minds.

"I know," John said. "Which is one reason we can't let the Psi Corps get their hands on her. She's had every opportunity to scan us, to learn our secrets, and if this imposed personality is anything like the other Psi Corps telepaths I've met, then I doubt she would have paid much attention to the rules against such scans."

"You do have a point there," Garibaldi said, to Susan's relief - if he had insisted on sending Talia back to the Psi Corps, there was nothing she could have done short of telling him the truth, and she wasn't ready for that. "I'm not sure what you expect me to do about it, though."

"Well, she shot two of your people, didn't she?" John asked. "Along with trying to kill Lyta Alexander. We can hold her based on that for a while until we figure out something else."

"Careful, Captain," Garibaldi warned. "Remember the last time you wanted me to hold someone indefinitely without a real reason."

"This is different," John said. Susan didn't know what they were talking about for a moment, but then she remembered the incident with Mr. Morden. "I can't tell you why, but you'll have to trust me."

"And if you don't trust him yet, then trust me," Susan said. "There's too much at stake here; we can't allow Miss Winters back into Psi Corps custody."

"All right," Garibaldi said, still sounding as though he had his doubts, but he wouldn't have been himself if he hadn't. "But is it really safe to keep her here, either? What's to stop her scanning us now and learning everything, if she hasn't already done so, and sending the information back to Earth?"

"We can block her communications to keep her from contacting Earth," John said. "And if she hasn't scanned us yet, we can prevent it by just staying away from her - any guards you post on her would just need to be people who don't know anything about any of the things we don't want her to know. It's not a perfect solution," he admitted, "definitely not a long-term answer, but I think it's the best we can do for now."

But just then, Susan caught movement in the doorway out of the corner of her eye, and she turned to see Ambassador Kosh gliding in. Her eyes widened in surprise, and out of the corner of her eye she could see that both John and Garibaldi appeared equally stunned.

"Ambassador," John said after a moment, nodding to the new arrival. "Is there something we can do for you?"

"No," Kosh said, continuing to approach them. The Vorlon paused a few feet away from John's desk, and then from somewhere inside the encounter suit, a data crystal emerged.

"What's this?" John asked.

"Necessary."

"Necessary for what?" Susan demanded, as John took the data crystal.

"Restoration."

Susan's heart nearly stopped beating. It couldn't mean what it sounded like - could it? But she refused to allow herself to even think it. It was impossible, and getting her hopes up would do no good.

Garibaldi, however, obviously felt no such restriction. "What do you mean, restoration?" But Kosh didn't say another word, simply turning and gliding out. "Dammit!" said Garibaldi as the Vorlon disappeared around the corner. "Typical Vorlon, never saying what they mean."

"I think I might know," Susan said, glancing at John to see that he seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Is it possible that there could be a way..."

But she still couldn't let herself actually say the words, so she looked to John again for help. "A way to restore Talia's original personality," he finished. "Lyta said that was impossible, but I suppose if anyone would know a way to do it, it would be the Vorlons. But what could a data crystal have to do with it?"

Garibaldi snapped his fingers. "I think I might have the answer to that. Last year, Kosh hired Talia for some negotiations. Only it turned out to be a set up - the guy he had her scanning was a ViCaR."

Susan had heard of ViCaRs, but had never seen one. "So you think that he was recording her thoughts?"

"I don't know if that's even possible," Garibaldi said. "But if it is, if that's what's on that data crystal, then there could be a way to restore her. What do you think, Captain?"

"I think we need to find Lyta Alexander before she leaves," John said. "She knows more about telepaths than any of us, and she's also the only one who knows anything about the Vorlons. Those lessons Kosh has been giving me haven't really told me much of anything, and I don't think we're going to get anything more out of him."

~*~*~*~*~

They caught up with Lyta on her way to the docking bays. "Captain Sheridan," she said in surprise, casting a quick furtive glance down the corridor, but there was no one else around. "Commander Ivanova. Is everything all right?"

"We'd like to speak with you for just a moment, if you don't mind," John said.

"I don't have much time, Captain," Lyta said. "I need to get off the station before Control sends the Psi Cops after me."

"I understand," John said. "And we won't let that happen, but we do need to talk to you. It's about what happened with Miss Winters."

"There's nothing that can be done," Lyta said. "I'm sorry, Captain... Commander... but the person you knew as Talia Winters is as good as dead."

The words cut through Susan like a knife; though she had thought she had accepted the loss, Kosh's appearance and their interpretation of his words had allowed the possibility of hope in, and for that hope to be dashed again made the situation that much worse.

John didn't seem as devastated, but then, he wouldn't - it wasn't as though Delenn had been the traitor. "Actually, we think there might be a way to restore her," he said, holding up the data crystal Kosh had given him. "Have you ever heard of a ViCaR?"

Lyta's eyes grew wide as John explained what Garibaldi had told them about Talia's meeting with Kosh, and their suspicions about what that data crystal might contain. Susan, for her part, kept her mouth shut during John's retelling, having nothing new to add, and not trusting herself to speak for fear of revealing just how important Talia had been to her.

"So we wanted to find out from you if there was any chance that this could be a legitimate way to get the real Talia back," John finished. "Because if not, then we have a problem, because we can't let the Psi Corps get their hands on her, any more than we want them getting to you."

Susan wouldn't quite have classified Lyta's escape as being as important as keeping Talia out of Psi Corps custody, but she wasn't about to argue when John was trying to convince Lyta to help.

"To be completely honest, I don't know," Lyta said. "I was always under the impression that the original personality was permanently destroyed. But if Kosh did indeed make a record of that personality..." She paused for a moment, and Susan had to remind herself to breathe. "I couldn't do anything about it myself," she said finally, and Susan's heart sank. "I wouldn't even have the faintest idea of where to begin."

"What about Kosh?" Susan asked, unable to stop herself. If there really was a way to restore Talia, and Kosh could do it, then she would damn well plant herself in front of his quarters and stay there until he agreed to do so.

"If he had the ability to make the recording in the first place, then he would probably be able to use it to restore her, yes," Lyta said after the longest moment of Susan's life. "But whether he would or not is another story. And don't think that trying to convince him to do so, if he doesn't choose to, will have any effect," she added, turning to Susan, who glared at her, though she hadn't felt the tell-tale sense of a scan.

"You don't think I could be as stubborn as a Vorlon?"

"Oh, I have no doubt that you can be every bit as stubborn," Lyta said. "But it won't do you any good."

Fortunately for Lyta, John stepped in before Susan had a chance to respond. "What do you suggest, then?"

"There is one possibility," Lyta said slowly, and Susan tried desperately not to let herself allow that hope back in. "Like I told you earlier, once I leave, I'm heading for Vorlon space."

"Yes, and I still think you're crazy for even wanting to try," Susan said, all thoughts of the current crisis escaping her for a moment. "You know no one's ever made it to Vorlon space, at least not and lived to tell about it."

"I know, but I still have to try."

"So what does that have to do with Miss Winters?" John asked. "Unless - are you suggesting that you take her with you?"

"It's the only way I can think of that there might be a chance of restoring her," Lyta said. "The only ones who might be able to do it are the Vorlons, and Kosh clearly won't."

It was such a simple solution. Too simple. "Will you be able to control her for that long?" Susan asked. "She's more powerful than a regular telepath, thanks to Jason Ironheart, though I don't know if those changes applied to the implanted personality as well."

"In that case, no, I wouldn't be able to," Lyta said. "Unless - well, there is a way."

"Oh, no," Susan said as soon as she realized what Lyta was talking about. "No way in hell." Even if Talia weren't herself any longer, Susan was not about to let anyone else go through what her mother had gone through.

John had looked confused at first, but his expression cleared at her indignation. "The sleepers."

"It's the only way," Lyta said. "She'll never agree to come willingly, and even if I could keep her locked up for the journey..."

"It wouldn't do any good," Susan said in resignation, not wanting to betray Talia's confidence by giving away her greatest secret but not seeing any other choice. "That's another thing Ironheart gave her - telekinesis. She can just get herself out of whatever you put her in." She shook her head, refusing to accept the inevitable. "There has to be another way."

"If there is, I'd love to hear it," Lyta said.

Susan thought for a moment, desperately trying to come up with another possible solution, but came up empty-handed. "Well, do we even have the sleepers here? It's not the kind of thing Dr. Franklin would just keep on hand, would he?"

"Find out," John said. "If he doesn't have the drug or a way to manufacture it, then we'll look into alternative solutions. But otherwise..." He pulled her aside and lowered his voice. "I know how much you hate the idea, and I understand why. But this is for Talia's own good - it may be the only chance we have to get the real Talia back."

He had a point, she supposed. But she still couldn't let Talia - whether or not it was still Talia - be subjected to that. Not even Bester deserved that.

But arguing with John when he had that determination in his eyes was pointless - he could be as stubborn as Susan herself. She would have to find another way.

~*~*~*~*~

Franklin was finishing an examination when Susan arrived at MedLab 1. She waited for him to clean up, and then began telling him the situation, though she stopped right after mentioning Talia's telekinesis.

"So what can I do to help?" he asked.

"We need a way to keep Talia incapacitated during the journey," Susan said. "Lyta's a P-5, like Talia used to be, so she won't be able to control her."

"I could probably come up with the drug they use on telepaths who won't join the Corps," he said.

Susan shook her head. "That was Lyta's suggestion, too, but I told her the same thing I'm telling you - no way in hell. Couldn't we just keep her sedated or unconscious or something?"

"Well, how long is it going to take to get to Vorlon space?"

"Depends on whether they can go straight there or if they'll have to take a more indirect route," Susan said. "Could be a couple of weeks, I guess."

"In that case, to quote you, no way in hell," Franklin said. "Keeping someone under sedation for that long could cause permanent damage. I can't support that."

"And the sleepers don't cause just as permanent damage?" Susan retorted. "They killed my mother!"

"But how long had she been on them? Ten years, right? So a period of just a week or two shouldn't cause serious harm."

How could he say that? "Damn it, Stephen, you don't understand! It's the principle of it. I will never agree to using the sleepers on someone. I can't!"

"Then I don't know how you expect to get Talia off the station," he said. "If Lyta can't control her telepathically, she'll need a way to keep her under control, and keeping her unconscious or sedated for that amount of time isn't an option."

Susan just shook her head. "I can't do this." And she walked out.

~*~*~*~*~

Now what?

Susan couldn't believe Stephen had let her down like that. He knew the story about her mother, so how could he think she would ever be okay with putting someone else through what she had seen her mother experience? There had to be another way.

She ignored the voice at the back of her mind telling her that Stephen was right, that John had been right, that this was the only way. Instead, she went straight to John's quarters. Stephen might not have understood, but John had known her longer. Surely she could get him to see reason, and then they could come up with another solution together.

He didn't look surprised to see her, she saw as she stepped into his quarters. "I wondered if I'd be seeing you."

"We need to talk," she said, sitting on the couch and waiting for him to sit by her.

"All right," he said. "Did Stephen have access to the sleepers, or a way to make them?"

"I didn't find out," she said bluntly.

"Susan..."

"John, you know how I feel about this." Her voice rose with every word, as she tried to make him understand. "I can't let her go through that... I just can't."

He just looked at her for a minute, and she waited for him to try again to convince her that it was the only option. "Would it be easier if you didn't know about it?"

"I don't care if it's the only way," she said, only then realizing what he had actually said. "Wait, what?"

"If you just didn't know what we were doing," he said again. "I think you're a little too close to this, Susan. It might make it easier for you if we just went ahead and got Talia off the station however we could and left you out of the process."

She stared at him for a moment. "Since when does anything happen on this station that I don't know about?"

"Oh, I know, but I thought it might be worth a shot."

But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that the only way she would be remotely close to accepting this was if she could at least pretend that she didn't know about it. "Do it," she said, standing up and turning to face the door. "Just don't tell me anything about it." 

And with that, she left John's quarters and returned to C&C where she could bury herself in her work and pretend she didn't know that the ship requesting clearance to depart a few hours later carried the two telepaths.

As the ship disappeared through the jump gate, Susan bid a silent goodbye to her friend and one-time lover, knowing that she would likely never see her again. Even if they made it to Vorlon space alive, the chances that the Vorlons would be able - and willing - to restore Talia, and then that she and Lyta would be able to make it back to Babylon 5, were so low that they were virtually nonexistent. She knew it had been a long shot from the start - that ever since Lyta had sent the mental password and triggered the implanted personality, the Talia she knew was as good as dead - and so she had done her best not to let her hopes get too high, but that didn't make it any easier.

Still, there was nothing she could do about it now - and she was Russian. She would survive this, just like she always had before.

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.

Very soon, however, Susan had more important things to occupy her time than dwelling on another failed romance. The Narn-Centauri War came to an unexpected and tragic end. Shortly after that, Susan discovered the existence of a group of humans and Minbari known as Rangers, called together to fight the mysterious Shadows, but she kept the knowledge to herself, knowing that everyone who needed to know about them already did.

Then the men from the Ministry of Peace arrived on Babylon 5, and one of them attempted to convince Susan to join the NightWatch, though she was completely unmoved by it - anyone who thought her loyalty could be bought like that obviously knew nothing about her. She'd just gotten that unpleasant mess dealt with when the Centauri discovered the Narn cruiser which had sought sanctuary with the station, leading to a series of events which culminated in John leaping from an exploding shuttle. But just as Susan gave him up for lost, knowing there was nothing that could be done in time to save him, he was rescued by a being of light which couldn't be anything but an angel. She didn't know how else to explain it, though she never would have believed it if she hadn't seen it for herself.

But once again, she didn't have much time for contemplation of that mystery. Not long into the new year, one of the Rangers came to the station to ask for their help in rescuing his fellow Rangers from a blockade on the colony world where they were training. Susan nearly laughed out loud at John's surprise when he learned that she already knew about the Rangers - when would he learn that she had ways of finding out about everything that happened on the station?

The Ranger, a handsome enough fellow named Marcus, seemed intrigued by Susan and the knowledge she wasn't supposed to have. It was still too soon after Talia, but Susan couldn't help feeling slightly flattered at his interest.

Not that she had any intention of doing anything about it, even if it hadn't been too soon. She'd learned her lesson about romance - it wasn't for her. Even if they did turn out to have more in common than she would have guessed.

He disappeared shortly after that first rescue mission anyway. Her heart was still pounding from her first actual sighting of a Shadow ship - combined with the excitement/adrenaline from their unprecedented escape method - when they got back to the station, and Marcus was gone long before Susan noticed his absence.

Once again, her attention was immediately thrust back into the challenges of running a station the size of Babylon 5, as first they were faced with a series of explosions all over the station, followed by a supposed intelligence test (with the threat of blowing up the station if they failed) which John only just figured out was a trick in time to stop it.

So it had been an eventful couple of weeks, to say the least, and Susan was taking advantage of the first real down time she'd had in a while, watching John refuse to admit he was losing at chess to their new friend Brother Theo.

Of course, with the usual timing of the universe, that was the moment Susan's link chimed. She sighed and stepped away. "Ivanova, go."

~*~*~*~*~

What could Ambassador Kosh want with her? she wondered as she stepped into Docking Bay 13. She saw the ship docked, but then noticed the Vorlon standing off to one side. So either he had already disembarked, or there was something else going on here.

"Ambassador," she said. "You wanted to see me?" Now to see whether he would actually tell her anything useful.

"Yes. Formality. Ritual. You should be informed."

Oh dear. What sort of bombshell was he about to drop this time? "Informed of what?"

"Returning."

She couldn't see the figure who emerged from the ship at first, until they stepped forward, and then Susan's breath caught in her throat. "Hello, Commander," Lyta said. "I said I'd be back if I could."

"Miss Alexander," she said, still hardly daring to breathe as she wondered if - no, she couldn't let herself wonder, or she would only end up hurt again.

But she didn't have to ask. Lyta stepped off the ramp and immediately to one side, looking back over her shoulder, and Susan's gaze followed hers to where an achingly familiar figure was just stepping into view.

Was it really Talia, though? It could just as easily still be the implanted personality - that was actually far more likely. Susan knew better than to just trust her on instinct, no matter how badly she wanted to run to her. She wouldn't. She couldn't. It wasn't Talia. How could it be Talia? Just because Lyta had come back and had clearly been successful in reaching Vorlon space, that didn't mean the Vorlons had been able - or willing - to restore Talia's original personality. Susan had learned her lesson about hope the hard way, and it wasn't something she would soon forget.

So instead of running to the woman who had once been Talia, of taking her in her arms like she wished she could do, Susan just stood there for a moment. Then she shook her head and turned back to Lyta. "Miss Alexander, if you'll come with me, I'll make sure some suitable quarters are provided for you and your companion." If she just thought about her in those terms, and not as Talia, maybe this would be easier.

But then she heard a voice from behind her. "Susan."

It was Talia's voice, and she sounded the same as the last time Susan had seen her - not when Susan had gone to her quarters after Lyta had triggered the implanted personality, but earlier, in Susan's own quarters, the last time they had spoken privately. And Susan couldn't help herself - she turned.

She looked just the same, too, and Susan almost forgot that this wasn't really Talia but only a cruel imitation. But then she remembered, and she stopped herself before taking another step, glaring at the imposter as she braced herself for the mental touch she was certain would follow. It was inevitable - "Talia" would want to make sure that Susan believed she was genuine, and that would, in her mind, be the fastest way to convince her.

But it never came. Instead, the blonde woman lifted a hand slightly before letting it drop, an expression on her face that was so much like Talia that Susan found herself doubting her own certainty.

"Talia?"

Talia smiled, and suddenly it was undeniable. That was the exact smile Susan remembered, not from the night they had spent together but from earlier, from the first time they had stayed up late talking, the first time Susan had realized that she was developing a friendship with a telepath of all people.

"It's me."

Susan felt her own smile grow to match Talia's as she stepped forward. Despite everything, despite all the impossible odds stacked against it, Talia had returned to her.

Maybe just this once, she would allow herself to hope.

**Author's Note:**

> "Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams..." - G'Kar, "Z'ha'dum"


End file.
